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Wow it's been two years since I've visited this site...

May 23rd, 2013 at 02:45 pm

I just added two years to both me and my son's age, and the time I've been at my current job. I'm still here....today I feel as if I'm in the middle of a mid-life-crisis....I'm tired, look tired, grey hair sprouting up, but I'm too distraught to color on the weekend, I feel beat. I've been working, bringing home my income to cover the basic of needs, rent, food, gas for car, car insurance, heat, phone, and a cable tv, internet package (not a need I know)I've aquired one more cat, which makes three cats, one dog and two parakeets. I wonder if this is just how my life was meant to be and that I am here to work and be the mom that I chose to be. Sure, I've tried college which has left me with $69k in student loans, out of Pell Grant funds, and still no degree. Makes me wonder what is my problem? Why do I fail time after time? I try not to have pity parties, and usually don't get so down that I'm crying my eyes out, because I will compare how bad I think my life is to someone that has no indoor plumbing, electricity, medical care, dental care,in the midst of war and genocide. That is how I can feel better and say that I have what I need and I am surviving and feeding my child. I am truly blessed to have health and "a" job. But, then paying the bills and having the basic necessities, isn't enough...I begin to feel, I need a car with a/c, and summer sandles, clothes that are new (not always used) to take my son on a trip, to have investments and financial security and not pay-day-to-pay-day living. I don't feel accomplished yet, I'm stuck and not sure how to get out. I've applied to the police and sheriff departments, hoping to be accepted (it's a long process.) I'm thinking of getting back to college and that is what I need complete to make myself happy. I'm so sick of my current job that I could cry. Plus, I still am barely making the bills. I had a second job for most of last year, cleaning offices, but I quit because I just became so tired of being away from home, the apartment was a mess, I was burnt out. I feel I just don't have the spark I need to get myself up and onward to better opportunities...i've asked for more opportunities at my current job and the president enrolled me in a course to learn more about our industry (commercial roofing)and told me to start there. Well, I don't see where I would move up or if a position would materialize for myself. How do I know if I should stick it out here or start to move on?

4 Responses to “Wow it's been two years since I've visited this site...”

  1. Petunia 100 Says:

    Hi Gingerbell! I have wondered about you often, so it is nice to see a new post from you. I don't have any answers for you, but will say that in my opinion, we have to follow what we love, or at least what we find interesting. If you are so tired of your job that you want to cry, then it is not the job for you. I'm not suggesting you up and quit, but that you think about what you really want, and then pursue it, whatever it might be. Think first, then make a plan. Smile

  2. gingerbell Says:


    I'm glad to know you have wondered about me. You know, what I really have wanted for so long now, is to get my college education. I've gone back to nursing. But, working, full-time, and taking college level classes are wearing. I wish I could find a way to just go to college, but really, how would I support myself. I need to have things to survive not just for me, but my son. I thought, what if I asked my mom if I could live with her while I got through my nursing school, but would that be right to try "living off" my mom to get me ahead? I just don't know. Plus, she has 2 cats and my three pets would be a lot of animals. Are adults allowed a "do over?" I seem to want to go back and try, try, again and get it right this time. Is that asking too much? I'm single, I have no husband, or second income to work with. It's just me and what i'm capable of handeling. I've tried and made a little dent in college, but I've never stuck through to the end.

  3. Maranatha Says:

    Hi Ginger Bell!! Maybe you could just move in with your mom until you can reach a few goals. I know you say you and your mom have cats, maybe it would work out. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

  4. Petunia 100 Says:

    Hi Gingerbell,

    Hope all is going well for you and your son.

    Take care,

    Petunia 100

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