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Archive for May, 2013

Wow it's been two years since I've visited this site...

May 23rd, 2013 at 09:45 pm

I just added two years to both me and my son's age, and the time I've been at my current job. I'm still here....today I feel as if I'm in the middle of a mid-life-crisis....I'm tired, look tired, grey hair sprouting up, but I'm too distraught to color on the weekend, I feel beat. I've been working, bringing home my income to cover the basic of needs, rent, food, gas for car, car insurance, heat, phone, and a cable tv, internet package (not a need I know)I've aquired one more cat, which makes three cats, one dog and two parakeets. I wonder if this is just how my life was meant to be and that I am here to work and be the mom that I chose to be. Sure, I've tried college which has left me with $69k in student loans, out of Pell Grant funds, and still no degree. Makes me wonder what is my problem? Why do I fail time after time? I try not to have pity parties, and usually don't get so down that I'm crying my eyes out, because I will compare how bad I think my life is to someone that has no indoor plumbing, electricity, medical care, dental care,in the midst of war and genocide. That is how I can feel better and say that I have what I need and I am surviving and feeding my child. I am truly blessed to have health and "a" job. But, then paying the bills and having the basic necessities, isn't enough...I begin to feel, I need a car with a/c, and summer sandles, clothes that are new (not always used) to take my son on a trip, to have investments and financial security and not pay-day-to-pay-day living. I don't feel accomplished yet, I'm stuck and not sure how to get out. I've applied to the police and sheriff departments, hoping to be accepted (it's a long process.) I'm thinking of getting back to college and that is what I need complete to make myself happy. I'm so sick of my current job that I could cry. Plus, I still am barely making the bills. I had a second job for most of last year, cleaning offices, but I quit because I just became so tired of being away from home, the apartment was a mess, I was burnt out. I feel I just don't have the spark I need to get myself up and onward to better opportunities...i've asked for more opportunities at my current job and the president enrolled me in a course to learn more about our industry (commercial roofing)and told me to start there. Well, I don't see where I would move up or if a position would materialize for myself. How do I know if I should stick it out here or start to move on?